That time I learned how to make lemonade

Often in life, we look for “the truth” about our existence in self-help books, in a motivational podcast, or the voice of a coach.

In 2015 I learned that you would find yourself knee-deep into a life lesson when life itself decides it’s time for you to learn it.

There’s no need for books, podcasts, or talks: Life evolves in a mix of the three, and there won’t be a way out.

The truth I learned is that I am Whole. One. Indivisible.

There’s one of me and not just genetically. My being is multifaceted, and only by loving and caring for each facet I won’t lose myself when the hard times come.

As simple as it sounds, I only learned this as an adult a bunch of years ago.

I started my business when I was young and without much experience. Someone would say that it was a reckless choise. I second this motion. It was ;) a lot.

Since day one, my business has been my main priority, the base of my pyramid, the foundation of my very existence. And not because I was a victim of the “hustle mindset” or thought there was power in the overwork. I just gave my work life the challenging task of supporting myself entirely.

Then, life happened.

For reasons out of my control, I had to leave the office for a long time. I spent months next to someone I love that was in a hospital bed. Time lost all its meaning, and days and hours when by, marked only by doctors' rounds.

My looks, something that I cared about way too much - because of the whole “dress for success” bullcrap women have to go through, was buried under scrubs and surgical caps. And if you’re not Meredith Grey, believe me, they don’t look that good.

One of the greatest mistakes I made at the time was not surrendering.

I wondered around the office as one of those ghosts, who never really leave this world yet are not a part of it.

I didn’t surrender to my personal and family needs, which translated into the lack of a formal delegation process.

I invested too much in the "work" facet to accept the idea that my personal life could overshadow it.

Would I have retained the respect of my team without looking unflappable?

I didn’t ask for help, and I jeopardized my physical and mental health.

Why?

Because I didn’t listen to myself, being sure that without work, I was nothing. That my worthiness was in the business.

At this point of the story, I can hear Maya Angelou’s voice saying, “When you know better, you do better,” and my voice replying, “easier said than done”.

The “could have- would have- should have” torture is only natural, and maybe it could evolve into an awareness challenge.

If we don’t take some time to analyze what was and absorb all the lessons in it, how can we make sense of the lemons life throws at us?

I want to share my lemonade recipe, hoping it will make someone else feel less alone in the darkest hours.

#1

If I genuinely believe I’m WHOLE, I won’t crumble even when one of my facets will. On the other hand, if I see my life as a Jenga tower, the minor thing will make my life shaky and unstable.

#2

In my own company, I am not - and I don’t want to be- irreplaceable.

Yes, my role is essential, but things have to run smoothly in case of unplanned absence.

Delegating and trust are the two main pillars of a thriving company. My absence would have had severe consequences if a few team members hadn’t voluntarily stepped up to support me.

#3

Listen to yourself. When you’re overwhelmed and drained out, pause. Stop and breathe. Regroup. You can’t give anyone anything if you don’t recharge first.

Your cup has to runneth over; otherwise, you will make lots of mistakes and take the risk of alienating your team by wanting to control everything when you’re not lucid.

Listen to your body and say “no” to those things that you can push. This way you will free a lot of energy for what really needs your attention.

#4

Taking a step on the side, and letting things run without you, is not failing.

Asking for help is not failing.

Letting go of perfectionism isn’t failing.

Do you know what failing feels like?

The armor we wear at the office, the one we hide in, so that others won’t see our vulnerabilities. As if a dent in our shield is something shameful.

Hardship made me human and brought out the best in my team. Mostly harship threw me off my pedestal and led me to new feelings toward my team, based on gratitude and understanding.

I’m not just an entrepreneur. I’m a business partner, a colleague, a daughter, a wife, a friend.

Being all of this attracted more respect than overworking and denial.

The shame tied to what we perceive as failing comes and goes in life, and it’s too easy to get trapped in the negative spiraling.

Feeling WHOLE helps us compensate for those sides of our lives that went blue-screen temporarely.

Working in tech, I should say, “we need to be redundant.”

Gosh, this Woman-in- tech thing is getting out of hand :)